Nightmare

I keep having the same nightmare, and it's really been weighing heavily on me lately so I think that's a signal that I need to write about it and maybe it will go away.  It started after I scheduled my next doctors appointment for Aug 16th where we'll find out whether my body has been able to heal itself or whether there are more spots (cancerous or not) and I'll need to get more procedures.  The weird thing is that I don't usually remember my dreams unless they're trying to tell me something, which has happened in the past, and i usually don't figure it out until it's too late.  So last Thursday (the day of computer issues and subsequent meltdown) I woke up at 3am after dreaming that I had had the doctors appointment, they found more spots, did surgery, radiation treatment and told me half of my cervix was gone and I would never have kids. Needless to say I woke up crying, not just one or two little tears, but the wet your pillowcase and want to change it kind.  I had the same dream the other night, only a different doctor that I've never seen before. Same procedures, same turnout. I think my biggest fear has gone from failure to never being able to have kids.  Falling down stairs is still #3 then.  I'm trying to take better care of myself...do things that I enjoy, take yoga classes, be at peace. Trying, not succeeding well so far, but trying.