Post #100

It's definitely been a while since I wrote a serious post and there's been a lot going on lately.  I've learned that it's really tough to live with other people, and that you think you know a person but honestly never really do.  I thought I was a better judge of people, but boy has that been proved wrong lately.  I don't want to call anyone out, but suffice it to say that I will be better off next year if I live by myself.  I think I just need my own space where I don't have to worry about having nice things in my apartment and whether they are going to be ruined or misused.  I got all of my parent's old records but don't currently have a record player.  To get a decent one is about $200, but that's not something that I'm going to be bringing into the apartment.  (Things like not turning off the stereo after a party really bug me.)  I'm trying to make sure that people understand now to not expect me to do anything in the spring when I'm student teaching.  I have a feeling that it's going to be a couple rough months.  Not that the last few months haven't been rough enough.

I do a lot of thinking on longer car rides, and sometimes I wish I could record my thoughts because they might make for really interesting blog posts.  Maybe I should look into voice recording software.  But I've had lots of opportunities for long drives this semester, traveling to Randolph Macon, and traveling home twice in the same month.  I'm really glad that I went home for Anna's wedding and it really meant a lot that I was asked to be a part of her wedding, but it was hard because I wasn't really in the best place that weekend.  I've been really struggling with work load recently, and with realizing how much it hurts to be used by someone you thought cared about you, and that makes it hard to go to a wedding.  But seeing how much Anna and Ben love each other and respect each other does give some hope.  I just need to get out of this town!  It's especially hard when so many of my good friends are no longer here (or never have been here), which makes it even more lonely.  Add to that not having the Wesley House, which I'm realizing how much I miss it.  I'm not going to lie, I really liked the social club + faith atmosphere, and I really miss it.  That makes me resent RISE because I don't get any of the feelings from RISE that I did with Wesley.  I'm not saying that RISE is terrible (altho the sign at the house is. Red and orange plus trying to be old looking makes it look like devil flames, which to me symbolizes a cult), I'm sure it is great for some people, it's just not for me.  I'm ready to graduate and move on.

To make matters worse, I accidentally left my computer at home in PA last weekend.  *Sigh* I didn't figure it out until I got back to Hburg and called my parents freaking out.  They shipped it to me, but this was the week that I had 2 lesson plans (10-12 pages each, plus supplemental materials) due.  So I spent a lot of time in the library, which meant that when the post office tried to deliver my computer, I wasn't home.  The post office didn't leave a note until the following day (take a hint from UPS and leave notes!) which I didn't get until around 5pm when I got home from class and the library and of course the post office was closed.  We're not paying taxes to have post offices with insanely small hours.  So I had to wait until Friday to get my computer, wanted to pick it up before we had to leave for Montpelier on our class field trip, but no, the post office didn't open until 9:30 and we had to leave at 9.  (Again, hours?) So I finally got my computer after getting back from Montpelier at 2:30 and was running really late to get to Broadway for work, and proceeded to slice my fingers open trying to get the box open.  Luckily it wasn't deep enough to require stitches, but they still bled quite nicely.  Gah. I'm not even going to write about the beating we (Broadway) got from Harrisonburg on Friday night or the complete waste of human life that the refs were at the game, or my frustrations with drunk people from this weekend.  Those will have to go in another post.

Another note: I had to get new jeans because all of my old jeans were really saggy, so I went to Gap at home and got new jeans that were a smaller size and they fit in the store, but after washing them once (before wearing so my legs don't turn blue) they're now baggy too!  Just like the old ones!  I'm not paying $60 for jeans anymore that get stretched out the minute they leave the store.  Really Gap? Your quality is getting worse.

daily quote

"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you." ~ John Wooden

Voltaire

"Le christianisme est la plus ridicule, la religion la plus absurde et sanglante qui ait jamais infecté le monde." ~Voltaire, letter to Frederick II, King of Prussia, 5 Jan 1767

"Christianity is the most rediculious, most absurd and bloody religion that ever infected the world."

The bloody part is so true when you look at the history of the world...

Yay lesson plans on the Enlightenment!

Couple good quotes & other thoughts

"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do>" ~Jack Kerouac

  

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” -John Quincy Adams


"Truth is, everybodys gonna hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for" ~ Bob Marley


Bad day today for PSU football with the loss to Illinois.  We just couldn't get our O or D line helping and then tried to run the same play every time.  Our special teams did really well, just the other important parts (O and D) couldn't get it together.  A couple tweets have been saying that injuries played a large factor into the loss.  But even with the loss it was fun to walk up with my fam and some of A's friends from Cornell, then meet with friends tailgating, go to the game in Beaver Stadium (with 107,000 of our best friends) and then head out for more tailgating.  We also stayed after the game to watch the band so we could see our "little brother" Andy play.  Over all good day!  Having a family birthday dinner soon and then heading downtown with the bro to do some more celebrating.  Tomorrow's going to be a long day driving back.

Literary Tattoos

Annalisa told me about this website, Contrariwise, which has tons of tattoos from literary themes.  I love this poem I found there:

“This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.” Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass


A Psalm of Life
Life is real! Life is earnest
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.
-H.W. Longfellow

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

- e. e. cummings, i carry your heart with me

Sound character provides the power w/ which a person may ride the emergencies of life instead of being overwhelmed by them. Failure is the highway to success." Og Mandino

In today's news...

Today's thought: "Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly." —MFK Fisher


AND


The findings from a large survey on Americans and their sex lives was unveiled today (Washington Post)


Related? I think so.


I found out he was officially dating her.  I said goodbye, we won't be hanging out alone anytime soon.  Call me when you're actually single.  He said ok.  Where do things go from here?

struggle...

I'm really struggling with this whole boy issue.  I fall for him more every time we hang out, and I want to be able to show that I really care about him, even though I'm scared of being judged for liking him.  However, whenever we're in a group situation, it's like I don't exist.  And the whole fact that he's hanging out with another girl too, make me feel like a mistress in a sense and I hate that.  It feels degrading.  I want to be able to say goodbye and move on with my life and meet someone new, but it's hard to do that here, and a whole big part of me doesn't want to lose him, even just as a friend.  I feel like I've known him forever and am supposed to know him forever in the future.  When we hang out it feels natural and comfortable and I can be my true self, show my fears and quirks, show my passions, my enthusiasm for things, my silliness.  I've never felt like that with a guy before.  He completely accepts me for who I am, and makes me feel more adventurous.  I'm scared to show any of the passion that I feel because I'm not sure that would be reciprocated and I'm scared of getting really hurt again.  But I'm living in confusion and it's making it really hard to concentrate on schoolwork, something I should be doing right now.  *le sigh*

zen room and transcripts

I can never think of better titles.  Last night I took the small tv out of my room and I'll take it home next weekend.  I wasn't using it, the sound is getting funny and I wanted to put a mirror that I have on my bureau.  It definitely makes my room feel more calm.  Now if only I could move my desk somewhere else and have a nice big comfy arm chair for reading in here... Next year if I'm living by myself I'm going to cash out the money that I've saved by living in the cheapest place in Harrisonburg for the last 4 years and get a 2 bedroom place so that I can have a study and keep the computer out of my bedroom.  If Annalisa and I both end up in the Triangle area in NC, we're going to live together and get a 3 bedroom place to have a study/library.  It's already been decided. ;o) But who knows where I'll be next year.

The two applications that I've looked at so far are both online and request your degree and what it's in.  Meaning I would have to fill out B.S. of Athletic Training when applying for a Social Studies teaching job.  Meaning that they would take one look at my application and pass it on.  So I'll be heading to the registrars office today to discuss what I need to do (who I need to pay) to get the fact that I've completed every class (plus more) for a B.S. in Interdisciplinary Social Sciences, but don't have the title on my transcript.  I don't even want money back for paying as a grad student to complete undergrad classes (which was twice as expensive as being an undergrad).  I just want to be able to find a job.  Altho possibly spending the majority of the summer in Europe is going to make it hard to find a job here, maybe I should look over there...

I wanna be a Theta...oh-oh-oh!

It's recruitment time here at JMU and I'm helping Theta out as much as I can this week which meant being here until 10:30 on Thursday night, skipping out on Friday to do homework, heading to Ashland on Saturday for a Theta Advising workshop and being back here at the house today until about 6.  Yay!  They're doing really well (in my opinion) and I hope it results in a really good group of new members.  (We don't say pledges anymore...that's TNT: Totally Not Theta)  Yesterday was a great affirmation of continuing to be involved with Theta this year as an advisor.  I'm glad that I'm not active because I would not be able to handle that, not sure how Christa (chapter president) does it being in grad school like me.  Granted I'm taking more credits than she is, but still, classes are crazy!  But the workshop was great, got to know Mallory one of our other advisors better, got to meet advisors from other chapters, got to hear that we're not that bad off here at JMU, especially since we're so new and still do everything by the book.  I met the advisors from Duke so if I end up near there next year I can help out with them, maybe not the first 2 years of teaching, but definitely after that if I'm still in that area.  I know for sure now that I want to continue to support the Fraternity in whatever way I can in the future, especially as an advisor!

3 more parties today!  Almost done!